DFTS Launches “The Big Soashe”

David From-The-Soashe has launched his “Big Soashe” drive to empower sports clubs, describing it as his “great passion”.

In a speech in the Quiet Room, the Club Steward said groups should be able to have “greater ownership of the club they support so dearly”.

Also announcing plans to use sports club bank accounts to fund ex-scorers drinking projects, Mr FTS said the concept would be a “big advance for people power”.

The idea was a central theme in the DFTS’ recent re-election campaign to Chief Steward and Mr FTS denied that he was being forced to re-launch it because of a lack of interest first time around.

“There are the things you do because it’s your passion,” he said. “Things that fire you up in the morning, like Viagra, that drive you, that you truly believe will make a real difference to the club you love, and my great passion is building the Big Soashe.”

DFTS is looking to target four key areas;

  1. Introducing “noise” to the Quiet Room
  2. Adding a hot tub to the Cricketers’ Patio
  3. Full-time Snooker referees 
  4. Bringing back the Table Tennis table.

“Of course there is not one lever you can simply pull to create a Big Soashe,” he said.

“We should not be naive enough to think that simply if the Soashe Committee rolls back and does less, then miraculously The Soashe will spring up and grow more.

“The truth is we need a clientele that helps to build a Big Soashe. And we are not going to achieve that selling halfs of orange juice and lemonade shandies to the Goring Football Club. I am starting with the table tennis table – bringing back the good times – Killer, Round-The-Table, getting beaten by Hainsey. That’s what made this Soashe mediocre at best, and we want to head back there – not flat screen TVs and fake lottery ticket machines.”

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