Goring CC Victory Parade Report

Crazy scenes in Goring

Tens of thousands of cheering fans turned Goring’s main streets into a sea of maroon and gold and waited for hours in blistering heat to give a heroes welcome to Goring’s Cricket Tourists as they passed by in Pete Slade’s open top white Golf convertible.

The triumphant team, who were undefeated on the GCC 2010 North Devon Tour, arrived home on Thursday and set off on a victory parade around the Goring streets after visiting local dignitaries DFTS’, George Michaels and TV Star Angie Tomlinson.

Freedom Of The Village

Her son, and GCC Tour Daddy/Captain Toby Tomlinson proudly displayed the GCC Tour version of the Ashes Urn, The Sarson’s Malt Vinegar Bottle. The GCC players wore maroon T-shirts with a picture of the successful skipper with the phrase “Regional Treasure” emblazoned across the front.

Celebrations had started earlier in the day with a “motorcade conga” up the M5 as GCC drivers followed the only player rumoured to still be awake after the hectic 4 days. Studwards and Splodge had left 24 hours earlier since they had lost all their money gambling with Wincott and Slade.


An almost unrecognisable Station Road

The parade began in a packed Upper Red Cross Road and headed off down Station Road and round to that bit by The Miller. They ended up in the High Street stopping outside their beloved Soashe at 6pm where those manky looking white beer jugs had been filled with Butcombe and were presented by previous GCC legends Pussy, Les, CV and Frank Crook.

The excited crowd showed their adoration of the successful team with a rendition of the football chant normally reserved for Champions, singing what appeared to be “Camp Ones! Camp Ones!” no doubt in reference to the effeminate tattoos and white rimmed glasses being sported by some of the older players still missing their youth.


Dan Harrigan, who wasn't even there, with The King Of Spain

The partying went on well into the early hours of the evening, but not until the GCC elite had taken part in an impromptu press conference hosted in The Quiet Room of Tha Soashe.





Hedge denies sleeping with “That Woman”

Pleasantries soon turned sour in the Press Conference as rumours surfaced of various Tom Hedge misdemeanours during the 4 day tour.   

Evil Goring Gap News journalist, Quentin St. Reatley probed Hedge about “That [Sonia from Eastenders] Woman”.

 “I never slept with her – in fact I didn’t get any sleep for four days!”, dribbled Hedge, “Perhaps it was another T Hedge in Devon?” he defended. “”It’s not true that I ****ed that *****  simple as that. I never ****** my ****s into her **** either. Nor did a rubber ***** get oiled on ****y ****ing dog.” said Hedge, “Its ***ls**  I stayed in ****ing my **** most days. **** never came into it. Not once did I **** anyones **** tube”.

Round & About journo, Bobby Cleeve, lightened the mood with another quip “What about the rumour that you had, and I quote, ‘bowled quite well actually’?”

Tour Daddy Toby Tomlinson took over and was quick to play up any rumours at the press conference, directing his response towards the GGN hack especially. “Tom is a model village cricketer. He bowled well, fielded OK but still looked a tw*t in that purple broad-rimmed hat.” 


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Off Side Maestro on July 21, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    Someone left a pair of reading glasses in the Manor-Annex. They look to be the sort that John Inman might wear. Would anyone like to claim them? (Not that you’ll be able to read this, obviously).


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