The Piers Morgan Interview : Stephen Wincott

To celebrate our website 10,000th hit, we managed to persuade media tart Piers Morgan to interview Goring’s most consistent, and outspoken, batsman, Mr Stephen Wincott. Here it is – word for word. The questions are real, as are the answers;

A Smug Git with........

Piers Morgan: So, good season for you so far?

Stephen Wincott: More lows than highs – as usual. I think the collective noun for cricketers should be a “disappointment”.

PM: How about Cricket First – you seemed very “anti” that originally, where do you stand now?

SW: Overall very positive, however, the key aim to my mind was resurrecting the 2s in 2012. I am unsure whether we have made any real progress to this end. Other than that Cricket First has done nothing but good for the club.

PM: In your view, what has been the most positive impact of the Cricket First campaign – and why?

SW: Long term the development of 2020s first team through the organised coaching sessions. Short term the club feeling good about itself again.

PM: As the Treasurer, do you feel the club is spending too much money right now?

SW: I’m very much looking forward to my holiday in Bora Bora later this year.

PM: Who is the best batsman you have seen play for Goring ever?

SW: Duncan Kent’s record is peerless but I unfortunately missed his greatest years. So the best player I have seen at GCC is Matt Armitage – all the shots in the book.

PM: Who are the best players in the first team? And why?

SW: Two things make a great club player – ability and availability. Will Smith delivers on both fronts and is the best player in the first team.

PM: And the first team selection policy – why do you have such a problem with it?

SW: I don’t have a problem with it. I just don’t agree with it. The problem is going out with only 10 men having had 18 available each week last year.

PM: You always turn up to watch the first team, but have only once made yourself available – why is that?

SW: The team was really short so I agreed to play. I also have “shower” issues.

PM: Do you think Dave Lewis will ever score his 100th GCC run?

SW: Only if he makes himself available.

PM: Who will win – The Deeks’, Lewis’, Norman’s or Everitt’s?

SW: The Everitts. They have the advantage of numbers and availability

PM: You have always diverted the issue around “cheating” the averages in order to get club awards – moving in boundary markers, calling off end of season games etc. – are these unfair allegations?

SW: Are you still bitter at not scoring GCCs hundredth 100?! Move on man! The last thing I need are more dusty plastic cricketers lacking bats clogging up my mantlepiece. It’s the stats I love not the awards.

PM: What makes a great cricket tea?

SW: Non-fruit scones with jam AND cream. Scones and jam without cream is a crime against humanity.

PM: You are well-known for wimping out against fast bowling – what do you say about that?

SW: People mistake my preference for avoiding fast bowling for wimping out. No one has ever seen me take a backward step against pace on the field.

PM: What will the Club be like in 5 years time?

SW: The tiles on the step will be loose again. And Carly Tomlinson will be running the meat draw.

PM: Any final snippets of wisdom for young batsman out there on how to top the averages?

SW: Wait for me to retire. And get yourself a solid forward and backward defence – the runs will come.

PM: Stephen, thank you. Can I have a hug, big guy?

......Stephen Wincott


4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Quiche Grant on July 23, 2010 at 8:27 am

    Mr Wincott should be applauded for his skill over numerous years as pace bowling draft-dodger par excellence.


  2. I hear you Quiche. However, this was meant in reasonable seriousness – and in thinking about times when he HAS faced such bowling, dare I say it, he does stand firm and I think I for one can learn from that. I can also learn from boundary marker placement techniques too against “Corporate XIs”.


  3. Posted by Off Side Maestro on July 23, 2010 at 9:15 am

    And also about tautology, too.


  4. That as well too.


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