Bloke Test : Duncan Kent vs. Peter Slade

Peter Duncan

Next up it’s a couple of 40+ “Cougar Bait” players – true GCC Legend, Fireman and no doubt all-round Action Hero and likely winner of the whole event, Duncan Kent, verses The Maestro himself, Pete Slade.

A real Clash of the Titans as two GCC Giants go head to head – too tight to call for sure. As ever, our expert Judge Wincott takes on the analysis and reports back with the final scores to see who goes into the next round.

Here goes, Duncan Kent in RED, Pete Slade in BLUE.

 

Q1: Have you ever done a runner from a restaurant?

DK: No, never, well out of order, I wouldn’t even consider it – also I am not a very fast runner.

PS: Yes – greasy spoon cafe in Oxford (Poly days eh!) on Cowley Road circa 1990 – best bit about the restaurant/cafe is the sign above the door. just reads “Eat Chips”

DK: 1 points, PS: 0 points

Q2: Have you ever thrown up in your sleep?

DK: No. I have however, on occasion, felt “tired and unwell” following an evening in the Sosha but the bathroom floor has always proved to be very good against sleep!

PS: Yes – in a tent – volleyball tournament – Weston Super Mare – circa 1995 – can’t remember anything except clearing up in the morning and the smell for the rest of the weekend – I left the tent there!

DK: 0 points, PS: 1 points

Q3: Have you ever made a small child cry?

DK: I hate this question. Sadly, I have made Millie cry by telling her off – I am now just off to beat myself with a stick for being a bad dad – thank you Upswinger!!!

PS: Yes – I’m a father – of course I have

DK: 1 points, PS: 1 points

 

Maestros

Q4:Have you ever had anything alive in your mouth?

DK: No, but I did have an undercooked sausage at a BBQ once!

PS: Gold fish (shabunkin!) – student party 1989ish. Apparently my Sister used to make me eat (earth)worms when I was little as well

DK: 1 points, PS: 1 points

 

Q5: Have you ever feigned injury at cricket, when really you were just playing badly?

DK: No, but I do have very fond memories of a tall left arm bowler who once played for us who was taken to hospital in an ambulance following a difficult few overs.

PS: No – f*** off! Actually yes (kind of!) – got pinned in the ribs for school under 10s against local rivals Durlston Court – hurt a bit but probably not enough to retire hurt – I legged it because the bowler was too fast for me!

DK: 1 points, PS: 0.5 points

Q6: Have you ever ridden an animal other than a horse?

DK: No. Alright, some of my ex’s weren’t exactly oil paintings but I wouldn’t call them animals.

PS: Yes – Camel – Dahab , Egypt 2002 , went on an oasis trip – one of the most painful experiences of my life – testicular ailments have been bugging me ever since

DK: 0.5 points, PS: 1 points

Q7: Have you ever crapped yourself by accident?

DK: No, not a “full crap”. Perhaps the occasional “shart” but since I’ve been married and Janine does the washing I have had to concentrate a little more on correctly estimating the gas:solid ratio in the “departure lounge” before letting go!

PS: Yes – Thailand 1994 ish – had upset stomach all trip – more of a shart really

DK: 0.5 points, PS: 0.5 points

Q8: Have you ever slept rough?

DK: Yes, a few of us went to a concert in London-town (I’m not lying – I did go to London) and planned to catch the last train home. Having missed that we planned to catch “the Milk train” which allegedly left Paddington at about 3:30am – sadly we eventually discovered that “the Milk train” last left Paddington sometime in the 18th Century.

PS: Yes – in Gouvia, Corfu cricket tour – drank too much (!) – fell asleep by a skip/grundon thing outside a shop and …

DK: 0.5 points, PS: 1 points

 

County Player

Q9: Have you ever been woken up by a policeman?

DK: No, but I do know a very nice policeman called Yestyn who I’m sure would oblige if asked

PS:… had to be woken up by two policemen at the request of the shop owner before he opened up the next morning

DK: 0 points, PS: 1 points

 

Q10: Have you ever set yourself on fire?

DK: No, I have always been very careful with fire as it can be dangerous. I believe Steve Haines avoids “hot drinks” for the very same reason.

PS: yes – playing with lighter fluid in student digs – just small flames on my hand – Ricky Hewitson on the other hand had some hefty burns all up his left side which needed a bit of attention !!

DK: 0 points, PS: 0.5 points

TOTALS: 

Judge Wincott Comment: A real Clash of the Titans this one! But who would have thought both these seemingly mild mannered men were closet child beaters?!

Duncan Kent: 5.5 POINTS

Judge Wincott Comment: The Legend’s honest-as-the-day-is-long approach means he scores poorly on the lad-antics, but this is more than made up by his true-gent credentials. He is a true bloke and we are all the better for knowing him.

Pete Slade: 7.5 POINTS

Judge Wincott Comment: “Been there, done that, got the pikey tattoos to prove it” could be the Maestro’s motto. Heavy scoring throughout shows a real-mans approach to life (he also supplies me with a Cadbury’s Crunchie before all cricket matches and hence is a real hero in my eyes).

And the Winner is PETE SLADE!!!

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