Bloke Test Final Answers from Pete “The Maestro” Slade

No comment or scores just yet…just the raw data.


 Q1. Could you fly a plane? should this be ‘Can you fly a plane?’

 I’ve never tried but I reckon I could! Used to spend alot of time in my youth playing an arcade game called ‘Time Pilot’ which involved flying (and shooting)!


Q2. Have you ever broken something that didn’t belong to you worth more than a grand?

 At school (under the influence of a small amount of alcohol) we drove a mail trolley along a train platform and hit the wooden column which supported the roof – the column broke and dislodged by about 6 inches – the station roof groaned – then our train arrived! – next time I was there the station had been refurbished and shiny, new metal columns were in place supporting the roof!


Q3. Have you ever ridden a bike backwards?

 Not on purpose – but remember ‘reversing’ my new ‘Tomahawk’ (smaller version of the iconic Raleigh Chopper) down the hill I had just tried to cycle up and landing in a heap near the bottom.


 Q4. Ever been a have-a-go hero?

 possibly on 2 occasions! First time was in Hawaiian (Poo-Na-Nas now) bar when I grabbed this bloke who was about to punch his ex girlfriend – he’d just been let out of prison that morning and was v. pissed – his ex girlfriend walked in (who was apparently partly responsible for his prison sentence in the first place!). 2nd time was trying to part a crowd in the Purple Turtle so my then girlfriend could get to the toilet. After a few polite enquiries I got a bit more chivalrous! Unfortunately the crowd turned out to be the Reading Chapter of the Hell’s Angels! The result was a headbut to my nose and a lot of blood – coincidently there were Police nearby (outside) but unfortunately Danny (the owner of the Turtle) was mates with the Hell’s Angels so the incoming Police had no suspect as he’d been ushered out through the back door.


Q5. Ever Fired a Gun?

 Yes – used to try to hit clay pigeons with a shot gun – not a very successful pursuit – my eyes can’t work out whether I’m left or right handed!!

Had an air rifle as a kid – acquired by means of confiscation from one of my Dad’s slightly nutty patients!! Spent a long time trying to kill pigeons (real ones with feathers) but never managed to.


Q6. Have you ever had a lapdance?

Yes – various stag weekends – not mine unfortunately as we were busy trying to stop one of my ‘guests’ killing/fighting with half of Blackpool in a nightclub.


Q7. Ever gone more then two days without sleeping?

 Yes – Mexico 2000 – Volleyball trip where we decided we weren’t going to sleep at all! Didn’t last more than two days though as sleep deprivation kicked in – the solution was to only sleep between the hours of 9-11 am and pm. Thus, two 2 hour ‘power naps’ a day meant we infact had a fourteen ‘day’ holiday instead of 7 days. Both my eyes were completely bloodshot when I arrived back at Gatwick!


Q8. Ever done a Number 2 in the great outdoors on purpose?

 Yes – when I went inter-railing (1986) we arrived in a Swedish train station very early one morning – rather than taking a bus ride to the camp site (which would have cost us about 50p) we decided to walk. 3 hours later we were still in the middle of nowhere as the big brown shark was knocking at the door. Nature took its course and a trip into the undergrowth was needed. Enough said!


Q9. Ever built a wall?

 Yes – early summer 2010 – my former employer had seen fit to dispense with my services so I decided my time would be best spent re-building the dangerous wall in our garden to avoid flat children! Stage one (took about a day) involved a large sledgehammer – stage 2 took alot longer – it’s a modern-art take on a centuries old skill! It’s still standing though and it’s been at least 5 months since the official unveiling!


Q10. Ever seen a porno that made you feel sick?

 No – although one of my (new) work colleagues keeps offering to lend me his recently acquired collection of DVDs purchased from America. So far I’ve managed to decline his kind and thoughtful offers.


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