GCC in Late Application for Olympic Stadium

With the growth in the short version of the game, returning Goring resident, committee member, snooker player, gambler, good-egg and match-fixer Jonny Russell has handed in his application to turn the huge East London stadium into Goring’s own Twenty20 Cricket stadium.

“Goring is an obvious choice, don’t forget, we already have the regatta, 10k race and The Hairy Legs Challenge bringing in the sporting crowds” dribbled Russell, “We’ll bring the stadium ‘lock, stock n barrel’ from the East End of London to the East End of Goring [“Cleeve” as the locals call it]. I am looking forward to inviting some of the greatest local sides, and Woodcote, to come and play at the CCG.”

Roller

According to Russell’s plans, the stadium will be dismantled brick by brick and transported down the M4 and B4009 via Pete Irving on the back of his roller. It is expected to be in place by 2019, having been rebuilt at the Bob Dylan Playing Field in Cleeve (behind the school and coincidently behind Russell’s parent’s house). Russell has also confirmed that he will re-instate the “Witches Hat” at the ground too – along with full-time St. John’s Ambulance teams to handle the inevitable injuries.

“Ultras”

The stadium will house the “Goring Ultras” – the village’s newly named T20 side in their resplendent pink shirts. However, GCC Treasurer, Stephen Wincott, explained “A new stadium clearly comes at a price – the only way to keep that price a little lower is for the new GCC Stadium to be made slightly smaller – and as such, have a slightly smaller boundary than proper cricket has”. Wincott was keen to point out that any scores made at the new ground will still count towards the club’s averages, and that boundaries generally are too big and have cost us results in the past. However, when Ollie Carrier bowls at the death the boundary clearly can’t be big enough…

Legacy

Russell acknowledges the much-discussed Legacy of the Olympics and has offered to leave the running track in London for Spurs and West Ham to fight over, claiming “GCC doesn’t need runners – just players who hit it over the boundary”. He went on to say “It does not necessarily need to be a football stadium – that is certainly not the only option. I don’t expect Daniel Levy at Spurs or Karren Brady at West Ham to have even considered that cricket might be an option for the stadium’s use. In fact, Karren Brady probably doesn’t even understand the LBW law anyway!” – as Russell walked off to the nearest club tea girl – “hey there sweetheart – milk and two sugars, love – and would you mind tucking my cricket box in?”.

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Ollie Carrier on February 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    harsh, but fair.

    Reply

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