…In the case of Eusebio v Alex Rodriguez v Park Ji Sung v Ajmal Shahzad v Dave Lewis v Pete Slade

Never Mind The Ballacks…
Already, the Ultra’s squad number selection process is causing some issues. In particular, the owner(s) of the hallowed “Number 13” shirt. This letter has flooded in to the Reading Lawyers acting on behalf of Ultra’s Skipper and future TV Star – Jonny Russell. A dispute is growing surrounding the ownership of the said shirt between Messr’s Slade and Lewis (D).




Dear Mr Russell,

I have consulted with my legal team, including taking the advice of senior junior Counsel in Lincoln’s Inn. They assure me that I am on the strongest of legal ground so far as concerns my right to the No. 13 (hereinafter referred to as “the Number”) on my Goring Ultras T:20 shirt (hereinafter referred to as “the Shirt”). You, as the First Party, sent an email (hereinafter referred to as “the Offer Email”) offering me, as the Second Party, the right to a “personalised” shirt, including the number of my choice. I need hardly emphasise that you used the word “personalised” not once but twice in the Offer Email. Relying upon this offer, I specified, in accordance with your specific instructions, the Number, and thereby accepted the First Party’s offer. A binding contract (hereinafter referred to as “the Agreement”) was thereby concluded.

You now propose, contrary to the clear, unequivocal, explicit and express reference to “personalised” in the Offer Email, and contrary to the Agreement, that I should have to share the Number with a Third Party. That this means that the Shirt will not be personalised needs only to be stated to be understood: res ipsa loquitor. So far from receiving a personalised Shirt I would, if you act as you seem to propose, be receiving a generic shirt, the details of which might be shared by all and sundry.

Further or alternatively, the Offer Email made no reference whatsoever to the personalised details being available on a first-come first-served basis. The only temporal limitation imposed by the Offer Email was that responses should be received by Monday 4th instanter. With this condition, I complied. Time was of the essence of the Offer Email insofar as, but only insofar as, a response had to be received by Monday 4th. There was no term, express or implied, that a response had to be received before any other Third Party responder specified the Number.

But be that as it may, I see no reason for our dispute to be used for the lawyers to generate fat fees to line their own pockets and keep themselves in roast swan and claret for the foreseeable future. I am therefore willing to avoid this becoming a legal matter which would cost you many tens of thousands of pounds, and am prepared for the present to reach an amicable solution based upon our respective bargaining positions.

As you know, and as you referred to in your first email as an invaluable selling point, the design of the shirt logo is mine. I know what you’re thinking. “Did he share this brilliant design with anyone else from whom I can get the original design at a reasonable price, or will I have to pay a fortune to get someone else to come up with such a marvellous design if he pulls out?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a personalised Peter Slade design, the most powerful design in the world, and would blow our opponent’s socks clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely,

PMS Slade, BA Hons (II.1).


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