President Obama’s whistle stop tour of the UK included one surprise, unscheduled visit to the increasingly popular drinking and TV game show venue, Goring Social Club. The Icelandic ash cloud (see previous) had meant that he had to fly early into the UK and landed in Air Force One at the Chiltern Aerodrome (“London Cleeve”) in Ipsden. It transpired that Obama’s sister’s, mother’s, Grandfather’s Great Aunt once got sent a postcard of Goring Lock by someone living in Cleeve by mistake (sent by mistake, not living in Cleeve by mistake, although…), which prompted Obama to drop by his “English ancesteral home” during his State visit.
Social Club staff hurriedly arranged a “Mega Meat Draw” in The President’s honour which included chicken wings, hamburgers and other “brown food”. Obama took an active part in Soashe Saturday Night favourites “Play Your Cards Right” and a special round of the subtly retitled “8-Ball Draw” – the ‘deemed less offensive’ version of the snooker-based crowd-puller recently won by GCC Chairman/Lord Bidlinson of West Berkshire (just days after Lady Bidlinson had won the “Bus-Stop-Fruit-Machine-Non-Scratch-Card-Scratch-Card” thingy). Jim Ross had the pleasure of signing in the US President and his beautiful wife Michelle on the door register. It’s not clear if they put 50p in the box though. Ross said, “Having been President myself, Barack and I had a great chat about the every day pressures of such an important role”.
Obama spent time talking to regulars in the Quiet Room and trying to figure out what they were saying and what purpose the room actually served. He even spent a few minutes watching Sky Sports on the big screen and asked how the Club could afford the high costs given the amount they have to pay to have the Sports channels shown in pubs. Also remarking that “surely a table tennis table would make better use of this space?”.
Having been asked to present his birth certificate as proof of age, Obama was asked by Head Steward, DFTS, how his visit had been so far, replying, “Wonderful. What a – Beautiful – Place. Michelle and I just love what you guys call ‘The Sotch’. The beer was a little flat perhaps for my personal tastes!” Asked if his wife had enjoyed her pint of the guest draft bitter, he retorted, “Michelle?! Absolutely. She loves. To. Taste that nutty middle pump of yours.”
The Obama’s were given a full tour of the Social Club. On seeing the bar billiards table he quipped “that’s some funny pool table!!” adding “it looks like Bin Laden’s after we visited, with all those holes in the middle”. The President also spent some time with the victorious Goring Cricket Club’s League XI who had just beaten Harlington CC earlier in the day . “It was great to meet Coach Westcar and the other guys on the roster”, he said, “and the Legend that is Duncan Kent – who I hear had hit quite a few home runs today. I wish them the best of luck for the big one at Checkendon on Saturday”.
Before leaving, Obama was presented with an upswinger.com “This Is How We Roll” t-shirt (only £10, postage fee now waived for May & June) and an Honourary Life Membership of Goring Social Club (although there is no room left on that self-appreciative sign for his name), before heading off to Masoom’s for the state dinner with George Michaels, Andrew Ridgley (the other one in Wham!), Sir John, Shakira and Stephen Wincott – and reportedly asking for the GCC “Eat The Menu” menu.