“How To Take A Cricket Tour Team Photograph” – Devon, circa 2008

1 : Assemble as many of the team you can find that can stand up and give Winkers the camera.

Back Row (L to R): Celebrity Umpires – Sir Jimmy Saville and Sir Rolf Harris (Saville already regrets inviting GCC back to Devon); Alex Crawford discusses shot selection with one of GCC’s legendary, greatest-ever batsmen and Tony Hedge; TT wonders why we have a middle row via “H-Bomb”.

Middle Row (R to L): H-Bomb is concerned that he won’t be the tallest in the photo, and enquires as to why Balkanshaw is wearing shin pads.

Front Row (L to R): Dave Roberts asks were Tim Mitchell is; The Maestro wonders why he (and Dave Roberts) brought his pyjamas to play in; Tom Ferry initiates the all-time classic “Where’s the trunk?” elephant gag; Will Balkanshaw gets some much needed sleep before keeping–wicket, exhausted after a hectic 2.5 hours on tour already

2 : Try and get everyone into two lines.

Mitchell arrives after “dropping the boundary markers off at the Shire Horse Centre”; Roberts, Saville, Crawford and Russell marvel at how effortlessly the uber-fit strike bowler takes a six inch step down to the front row; Direct, ever the Pro, is already in position and making fart noises with both armpits; Ferry realises he needs props to bring credibility to his role in this photo; H-Bomb assures the team his whites have been washed since the 2007 GCC Tour; @andyank’s beard grows another 3mm.

3 : Ask all players to look at the camera. That includes you Mitchell…

Mitchell can’t decide where to put his jumper or his hands – and still confused, wonders why Ferry has placed a bat and left-handed gloves in front of himself for the photo; Direct has now mastered the (Australian) National Anthem with the armpits; Crawford grows two more inches in height and is pushed to the 3rd row.

4 : Say “Don’t Fear The CHEEEEEESE” and CLICK!

Mitchell places his hands in a similar fashion to that of the front row senior pros, but in a Jeremy Beadle style. H-Bomb looks unfeasibly messy; Balkanshaw looks increasingly tired; and Ferry looks incredibly cool. Game On…

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Fezza on June 17, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I have tears streaming down my face. Well done!

    Reply

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