“I can’t believe it’s No” – Butterfield

Eagle-eyed readers will have noted that Simon Butterfield has decided to re-join the GCC Committee this year. Furthermore, many of you were probably aware of his impending immigration interview and subsequent permanent move to Canada. Assuming Simon won’t commute each month from Edmonton to the Soashe – what went wrong? Simon is clearly upset that his move appears to have been put on hold, but has no idea why. Upswinger! In trying to find out, has obtained a transcript of that all-important interview at the Canadian Embassy:

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Embassy Official (EO): Welcome! Thank you for your application form. As you know, this is a formal interview process to rubber-stamp your move.

Simon Butterfield (N): Ice Hockey!!!

EO: Absolutely. So – why do you want to make a permanent move to our beautiful country?

N: I’ve lived and studied there before. I enjoyed it so much that I decided that there was only one place in the world I wanted to live – Canadia!

EO: OK…I now need to ask a few general questions to get a clear understanding of your commitment and interest. I need to know how much you know aboot…Canada. What is the capital of Canada?

N: Easy one – it’s “C”.

EO: Ottawa.

N: Bless you.

EO: No – OTTAWA. That’s our country’s capital. Never mind. So – roughly, what is the population of Canada?

N: About a 25% each of humans, The French and mooses. Moosi? Or is it mice? A third each anyway. Roughly. AND – LOADS of people can actually speak American AND French – as such, most Canadians can be classed as bi-sexual, right?

EO: Right… How about this one? Who is currently the Governor General?

N: The Guv’nor? – Paul Ince. No. Wait. Wayne Gretsky isn’t it?

EO: Nice try. It’s David Lloyd Johnston. Let’s move on. What is depicted on the Canadian flag?

N: A leaf.

EO: Good. What type of leaf?

N: A tree one?

EO: Go on…

N: From the Syrup tree?

EO: Close enough…moving on again. Have you ever worked in Canada before?

N: Yes. I was a Barrister.

EO: Oh really!? Where did you work?

N: Starbucks.

EO: For their legal team in Canada?

N: No – their Edmonton Coffee House.

EO: You mean a Barista?

N: Perhaps.

EO: Mr Butterfield – you are welcome to leave.

N: Great – thank you! My flights are booked – I will send you a postcard!

EO: Sorry, I mean leave the Embassy – I’m pleased to say it’s a “No”.

 

Their loss is our gain. Welcome home, Simon!

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