Alex Crawford in line for Ashes call up

Crawford’s alleged friend, Dorothy

Crawford’s alleged friend, Dorothy

Goring CC’s (OK… Kidmore End CC’s) Alex Crawford looks set to gain his Ashes call up in the third test, according to Dorothy Goggins, a canteen lady at Direct Wines where Crawford “works”. Goggins, allegedly a friend of Crawford’s, was questioned recently by player scouts acting on behalf of Cricket Australia following the announcement that James Pattinson would play no further part in the whitewash also known as the 2013 Ashes series. “They asked me if I knew any good local bowlers/all-rounders” said Goggins – “I said I didn’t, but I could put them in touch with Alex if they wanted  – and they asked me for his details, which I gladly passed on.”

Upswinger reporters also spoke to Darren Lehmann  – outgoing coach of the Australian Test side – who confirmed “It may well be true – we need another  young, unknown test débutante fella to replace Pattinson quickly.”

Former Coventry & Liverpool defender, Darren Lehmann yesterday.

Former Coventry & Liverpool defender, Darren Lehmann yesterday.

Lehmann  went on to describe their ideal candidate “We are looking for a lanky, pseudo-Australian spin bowler with an attractive upright batting stance who has previously played his cricket in the Henley area – and – one of whose names is four letters long and begins with the letter ‘A’. We’re asking people in the area if they know anyone that fits this description and could make themselves available to play for us a week on Thursday in the Manchester area. Preferably someone who deliberately bats lower down the order to try and pick up easy runs off of tired bowlers”. Lehman then added – “ To be honest, we’d probably not last  beyond Saturday morning – so they’d be free to head back to their regular club for the weekend league fixture that day.”

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