GCC Bloke Test 2017: OC vs. Sophie

1. Have you ever shaved a part of your body other than your face?

OC: Yes – all men should groom (click here) to make sure you’re doing it right.
If you’re not grooming, then you’re probably not getting any action either. Not very bloke worthy.

Sophie: I have shaved all my hair off in support of a team mate who was going through Chemo, the whole football team turned up with skin heads it looked fierce!

Points: OC = 0 “Manscaping” !?!?! , Sophie = 1

 

2. What’s the biggest thing you’ve set on fire?

OC: Checkendon, with my 158 vs Welford Park. Even the Herringtons (father or son) couldn’t put the flames out.

Sophie: We set a big blue industrial paper waste bin on fire absolutely bricked it and ran off hid in the woods and watched the fire engine turn up and put out the flames!!

Points: OC = 0.5, Sophie = 0 (no points for standard northern monkey activities)

 

3. Have you ever had *** in a car? Front or back? (…of car…)

OC: Pass.

Sophie: Yes! In the back of a VW estate in a car park on the ferry slip

Points: OC = 0 (the court considers it v likely that points would have been scored here had the question also mentioned “on your own”, Sophie = 0.5

 

4. Are you banned from anywhere?

OC: I was banned from Kukui in Cheltenham after getting into a bit of a scrap with the bouncer after being thrown out. It ended with me on the floor and the bouncer with his elbow in my neck.
Also banned from Checkendon Sunday fixtures.

Sophie: Nope

Points: OC = 0, Sophie = 0
5. Ever been convinced you were about to die?

OC: Yes – when the bouncer had his elbow to my throat.
I also landed in Nairobi, Kenya with no idea or plan on how to get to Mombasa in 2011. Got a lift with local Englishman to a petrol station, where I sat being watched for about 3 hours convinced I would be shot or kidnapped, before the bus finally turned up. Not something they advocate in Lonely Planet.

Sophie: Yes! I got stranded as the tide was coming in when I was younger having a kick about with my cousin on Cleveleys beach, next thing we knew there was water everywhere and we had to leg it back to shore with the beach patrol shouting from their tannoys!

Points: OC = 0.5, Sophie = 1. Having enjoyed both Mombasa and Cleveley’s beach over the years, there is only one winner here; even the donkeys have skin heads on Cleveleys beach.

 

6. Have you ever sworn at an umpire?

OC: Yes, Slade will remember the new ball incident at Mapledurham last year when cheat umpire realised he’d given us previous years league ball that had a seam, rather than the Wintech ball which had been made by a 5 year old. Mapledurham umpire realised after Jack Winterbottom sent down a series of 6 unplayable deliveries. We were forced to take a new “new” ball, didn’t matter Slade got our first victim with a great snatch from Benning at slip. Won’t tell you my choice of words though.

Sophie: No but have argued a caught behind never sworn though

Points: OC = 0, Sophie = 0. A difficult one to judge this; as we know, all umpires are Tuesdays – particularly our own – but swearing at them directly is not acceptable in the world of real men. I also have some inside information here, as I recall some very choice words being passed on to the Greys Green umpire last year by Ms Sophie !

 

7. What was the last item of food you purchased in a coffee shop?

OC: Bacon sandwich (bloomer) with large black coffee this morning – work coffee outlet has a triple loyalty points deal on the combination at the moment.

Sophie: All day breakfast panini – toasted!

Points: OC = 1 , Sophie = 0. “Panini”? I have just spat out my hotpot !

 

8. What was the last text message received from a member of the opposite sex? (No explanation needed or requested here)

OC: “Is the internet fixed yet? Xx”

Sophie: “Maybe it’s the sugar out of the wine that turns to carb so I am getting loads of carb haha love you xxxxx”

Points: OC = 0.5 , Sophie = 0.5

 

9. What’s the first thing you do in the morning?

OC: I get up at 6, go and make a bowl of porridge and watch sky news, usually in the nude.

Sophie: Fart

Points: OC = 0.5 , Sophie = 1 (ditto and still LOLing)

 

10. Provide the most “blokiest” photo from your phone.

OC: Watching football with your dad. Definition of being Blokes.

oc

Sophie:

sophie

Points: OC = 1 , Sophie = 0.5

 

Judge Wincott Summing up:

A close run thing between the human man-bun and the sack, crack and back waxer. References to paninis and “manscaping” suggest that both contestants are more comfortable with Bake Off than Face/Off.

…AND THE WINNER IS: OC = 4.0 POINTS VS. SOPHIE = 4.5 POINTS!!!

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