GCC Bloke Test 2017 – R1M2 – OTJ vs. RTJ

1. Have you ever barfed on a girl’s shoes?

OTJ: No though the Walkabout night may provide different answers.

RTJ: I’ve a feeling I’ll have the same answer as OTJ here – yes my mother’s. On countless occasions. Managed to vom on a friend’s bare feet as well, after a heavy night of drinking. She didn’t appreciate it. At all.
Points: OTJ = 0 , RTJ = 1. Women hey: no sense of humour !

2. Have you ever had to leave the crease for a “comfort break”?

OTJ: Nah, unless a number 3 counts as I was comfy after?

RTJ: Never a comfort break but not dissimilar – on my first Devon tour I had my box but nothing to hold it in place. I went out to bat with it tucked in my pants, but it was at least 3 sizes too big for me and kept slipping around. After facing 5 balls or so I decided it was getting in my way, so shouted to our skipper on the boundary (JR) to come over before taking it out and frisbee-ing it towards him. Proceeded to bat boxless, and set my then top score. Must have been the fear that a man only experiences when he is tasked with protecting the spuds.

Points: OTJ = 0.5, RTJ = 0.5

3. Have you ever been shot at?

OTJ: does being swilled by tequila shots count as being shot at?

RTJ: Shot at? Never. I imagine you’re looking for a “dating a girl whose dad owned a farm” story. Unfortunately, the closest I’ve ever been to this is dating a girl who looked like she belonged on a farm (haven’t we all?).

Points: OTJ = 0, RTJ = 0

4. What’s the largest or most complicated DIY project you have undertaken alone?

OTJ: Built a small electric toy car in year 9.

RTJ: I built a treehouse in our garden once. Nailed a bunch of boards to a branch and then balanced a construction pallet on top of them. Also built a bridge with Dad. I maintain that I was the muscle and he just delegated, so I’m claiming it as “alone”.

Points: OTJ = 0, RTJ = 1

5. Have you ever ridden an animal other than a horse?

OTJ: Unfortunately not.

RTJ: The first time I got properly ratarsed outside of my own home was in Argentina. Some girl had a house party that I’d been invited to, and she had a massive garden with a mini forest at the bottom. Three vodka and cokes later and I thought it would be hilarious to ride one of her pet deer. Needless to say, I fell off pretty quickly. And then I was sick.

Points: OTJ = 0, RTJ = 1

6. Have you ever been in trouble with the police in another country?

OTJ: I can’t say I have.

RTJ: Not the police because I’m a good little boy. But when I went interrailing, we got stopped by an Italian train guard and accused (in Italian) of not correctly stamping our ticket to show we had used up a day of travel. Incredibly, all we had to do was hand over €50 (with no receipt or anything of the sort) and not ask anymore questions in order to continue our journey unmolested.

Points: OTJ = 1, RTJ = 1. Both “correct”: real men don’t cause the police ag. There are plenty of peasants about to do that (see Cleeve).

7. Describe a time you were unfairly ‘asked to leave’ a bar or club

OTJ: Was kicked out a club for buying a mate a drink…. bought the drink and the girl he was with started to drink it. She then gave my mate the drink and went and it a bouncer who came and started pushing me saying ‘why you annoying this bird?’ I told him I bought a mate a drink she was just with him. So he put me arms behind my back and kicked me out. Probably the only time I’ll get kicked out for not being a c***….

RTJ: Wahoo in Oxford. Apparently letting off disgusting farts in the middle of the dance floor followed by someone yelling “good lord it smells like someone died in here, who did that?!” is not appropriate behaviour. I still maintain that I was only guilty of the latter, not the former.

Points: OTJ= 1, RTJ = 0.5

8. What was the last item of food you purchased in a coffee shop?

OTJ: Iced Coffee

RTJ: A gluten free chocolate brownie from Costa. Tastes the same as a gluten-full brownie, but has significantly less effect on my bowels.

Points: OTJ = 0 , RTJ=0. No wonder the country is going to the dogs

9. What was the last text message received from a member of the opposite sex?

OTJ: ‘Why are you still in bed?’

RTJ: “Not yet, just waiting for it xx”

Points: OTJ = 0.5 , RT J=0.5

10. Provide the most “blokiest” photo from your phone



Points: OTJ = 0,RTJ = 1

Judge Wincott Summing up:

It is unclear how the request to “Provide the most “blokiest” photo from your phone” could be misunderstood but clearly it has been – a picture of a man with long hair, drinking bottled lager, and wearing a necklace is in no way blokey; never has been, never will be. This was a tale of boy vs man.



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